Monday, April 28

I just dont get here enough

Here I am! I just dont get here enough! I really have nothing to complain about and when things are great I feel like I am gloating instead of updating.

Kids are great, Husband is great! Marriage is great! SSSOOOO!

What else is there?
The elections that are crazy right now. obama or Hillary? Well I am leading to Obama witch is different than where I started. We need a president that is for change. Alot of what he is saying is much like Kennedy. That brings me to the assaination issue. I wouldnt be surprised if some back woods character from down south is so angry about a black man being president wouldnt lead us to another assaination.

The weather.... crazy, yes. Global warming and should I be more green? I think the eartyh has been warming and cooling itself for a while and with what we do to our world I quite agree we are hurrying it along. However I dont think that my pollution is contributing as much as jets, and factorys and nuclear waste from large companies not to mention corporate America. They are just not the same but I try to do my little part.

I will not however be paying the city 6 bucks a month to come pick up my recycling when I can take the cans down and make a little flow.

I have to close. Just becasue I am not posting doesnt mean I am not reading.

Another day another load of laundry! Off I go!

Friday, January 18


It was recently brought to my attention that I may not have forgiveness. I was baptized a about a year ago. I have been clean for 2 years. I fear that forgivness by God does not mean forgiveness by man. Some still see the person I once was. How do you achieve ultimate forgiveness. I repent. I think that the God has forgiven for my previous ways. People are not so easy. How do you erase the past. Impossible yes I know. I try to show with my ways I am not who I was. I stand by the title ofthis blog. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. I just wish people knew in their hearts I am worth forgiveness. My real friends know just what damage I have caused but I have choosen to go down another path. I am not making excuses for myself. There where a lot of different circumstances then.

Another part of that is why do I care what people see? I was never one who cared what people thought. Why now? Now that things are finally right in life why do I care?

I was wrong and I am sorry for anyone I wronged. I am me and that is all I can be. I want to put the past behind me, but I struggle to do so. When is repentance enough. When will they all forget so I can focus on the future?

I am finally happy, my marriage is finally great, my kids finally have the mother they where suppose to have. Why do I feel it is still not enough......

Friday, January 4

As I reflect on the year past and the one on its way I have so many questions. It was a great year. The kids are bigger we can do more with them and they are developing these wonderful personalities. They are just getting to be more fun. So do I want another one? I do you know the little pink human coming into the world is a great thing BUT! am I done with diapers and more bills and another big question..... Working? LAst night I was watching this thing on the home channel. We would really like to buy something, if I was working it would be a little more better deal.The average home in Anchorage is 250 k to 300k for something with land. ect. NAthan continues in the union and with his schooling so he continues to get raises. We continue making more and more but then I think we spend more and more. Plus he is supporting a 4 person family on his own. That could be a lot of pressure. HE is happy with the way things are. He wants me to stay home like his mother did and raisse the kids plus Grace will be going to school soon so maybe then but that is still 2 years away. Another point; I was listening to an old sermon the other day saying how being a stay at home mother is the most gratifying and the best for your kids, witch in so many ways I agree but I havent worked in what 3 1/2 years and sometimes miss that life outside of the house feeling. I could get more involved with the church and try helping out there more but again I wouldnt be contributing to getting a home or our trip to Vegas in this year. Our first vacation with the kids. Some of my friends whom I truely trust say I am not missing much with the owrk thing, but in a way I still feel like I am. I am not going to complain the whole blog. I am thinking of maybe finding a job I can do from home. Like transcription. Like a medical transcriber. I am not sure but I am going to investigate just what that takes. Also Grace just woke up and got herself dressed and gives me the best feeling first thing in the morning and I wouldnt trade that...... I am just saying..... maybe this year no resolution I am not going to get right....... maybe something bigger... for me to do for all of us....?

Tuesday, December 4

couple of questions.

SO I am balancing 3 blogs right now but trying to remain true in all. I know myspace tends to get me a little wild becasue lots of those are friends from the past.

This one is almosta different setting without the wild side. Peaceful.

I can talk about different things, like my church.

I am having a question, about just that. My church is a charasmatic church, non denomenational. Cant spell today. ANyway. What I have scene is that it almost turns people off when they see things they dont get. Like jumping up and down and people yelling out becasue the holy spirit strikes them. I am not speaking ill of anyone or judging them for this. My thing is this. It turns people away when they dont understand what is going on. Like if I where to bring a friend that might freak them out. Now does that freak me out? NO! But does it mean God is not speaking to me or that I am not Christian enough? I know the answer is no, then I go to Why? I often get goose bump type things but it isnt like the others yelling out and what not. My motto is to keep it simple.

My other thing is I am in a bible study of older Christian women. They have walked in this holy path longer and I see they condemn themselves for every little short coming. These are women I think are wonderful women I will probably never be as good as them so how can I live up to that.

My thing is bringing many good people to the Lord but I want to go into a bar and save everyone of them, a place these women would never go. So how can I balance that. My dad works in a strip joint. He sees how the Lord has changed me but if I went in all high and mighty I wouldnt be able to convey his message at all. I am not saying these women are perfect, or behave that way. I just want to be realistic.

Jesus hung out with prostitutes and tax collecters, should I not try that first? NOt so extreme but still be me? and be with my real people as a real person?

So where is the balance?

Sunday, November 18

OK I Am thinking I might give blogger another chance

well I dont know if I can keep up with the myspacing and this one but some people dont know about this one so I might be able to write stuff about them..... just kidding.

We where just playing Harry Potter on the Wii and it is so great. You get to use the wand and do your own spells. Love'n it. Gage is still at it.

My man is far away about 100 miles out side of Nome and he is hate'n it. He probably wont be home for turkey day. Oh well we will go to my uncles then maybe home early and rest. Who knows where the Friday will lead us.

Grace is in the tub now and thats why I am starting on this blog. I kept forgetting the password. I have passwords for everything from the bank to the cable company to blogs it is crazy.

Tomarrow I am going to try to find a book called Gods Blog. Ill let you know if it is any good.

Tuesday, February 6

here i am

Its been such a long time since I blogged here. But i dropped in to see if anyone noticed. So here I am.

Wednesday, August 23

Hey I am just letting everyone know where I am.

I am

yep thats me. Please see me there I am always writing about my life of adventure.

Saturday, July 29


HAS ANYONE EVER HEARD IT WAS BAD LUCK TO HAVE BANNANAS ON A BOAT? Nate has always told me that. Guess my dad hadn't heard.
Day started as a really normal day. My pop called and was going to Wittier with his boat for the first time and since we couldnt get any DMV stuff done yet, we decided to go.
All was good, he got us out in the water we got poles in the water . It was a beautiful day!!!!!!! Nathan saw a bear just before the tunnel, one of those sightings I of course couldnt "sight". After a while t the kids where wanting to get off the boat so we decided to pull over to the beach.
.... my dad and Seren get off first, I hand Dad, Grace and just then,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, a huge ferry, the one that carries the cars and people goes by and the waves start pushing and pullingthe boat in all directions. oh yeah, Dad is just holding the rope, I jump out and BAM! Nate and Gage where still in the boat. The water came in about 4 feet with every wave and of course suckiing it back out with every wave. AND into the rock wall and Seren grabs the baby and heads for high ground. (In her eyes saved Graces life) So there we are me and my dad trying to hold the boat beijng jerked down into the water and unable to keep our stance on the shale rocks. Gage is standing mid boat screaming! Tears just stream'n down. Nathan is getting jerked side to side with nothing to hold on to. I am looking at him because I figure he's the only one of us that knows what to do! Really none of us knew what to do. The boat took on a lot of water from the waves and NAte gets up and pushs Gage off the bow. Says "run when you hit shore" The whole time waves beating everything including us. GAge runs for Seren, screaming and crying. Just as NAte bails out to the shore, the waves die down. Thank the Lord! HE and Dad pulled it up long enough for everyone to pee and me to stop shak'n. It was so scary! Gage said all he was think'n was save my sister and I want to Live! Way I think is Dad felt safer in the middle of the Prince William Sound than on the bank. What a great story for our family to tell, and just think of how big of a tale it will be by the time Gage is 15.
OK, OK, OK so we get going in the boat and Nate put's his line back in the water while we troll. Everyone knows that Dad is probably done for the day. When Nate set's his hook, in a SEAGULL! I told him just to shoot it but he said "do you wanna tramatize the kids anymore", So NAte and Dad brought her in and un hooked one of the two. That seagull was mean! and the louder it was the more tears came from the front of the boat where the kids where with there heads under a coat. BUT! he saved it. They ended up free'n her with only one hook in it's chest. She flew away!
As we started pulling through the water again DAd say's " I think there is a hole in the boat, we are taken on a lot of water" Nate says no way it was just the water from the waves. I dont know if it was a hole or Dads subconcience saying it was time to get off the water? But we headed in from our exciting adventure.
AAAHHHH! What a day! Nate and I talked about it the whole way home hecouldnt stop gigle'n. I think it is a much better story than some fish tale we already had. It was a great day but I think it sucked the life outta my POP! He's gettn to old for all that excitment. BUT IT WAS GREAT!

Sunday, July 9

American Medical Association researchers have made a
remarkable discovery.
It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may
benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better. Just thought you'd like to know!

Thursday, June 29

us and a million

I am watching that show about a group of friends that win 20 milion dollars a piece. I love it. What would that kind of money do to me? Well I'd be at the day spa and Gage would be buying an arcade NATE would be fishing on our water front property and Grace would have Toys r US in her bedroom that she wouldn't be sharing with Gage. Sarah would have a month in Hawaii with a nanny, My sister would have a huge home with a new car and a scholarship to do what ever she wanted, My dad and Lara could have what ever it is they would want like my dad retired and his own water front property, Seren would have whatever she wanted as if she doesn't already, The MAtties my in laws would be retired with a BBIIGGG home to fit everything they want, we'd all have nice new cars, my grandparents from Idaho would have a new motorhome and they'd be with me spending my money, and Heidi and Shana would have month long stays at Disney Land and we'd all have a month in Vegas with tons of spending money.

Wednesday, June 28

I just really cant top Shanas last blog, her mother in law got to go to jail. That was so funny……………………..
So where, where you when the lights went out in Anchorage and all over Alaska?
I was at Walmart with my family and let me just tell you there are no extra lights in the bathroom. You may need to know this if you have children who have nervous bladders.
After reaching our home and my children going absolutely crazy half fear of “whats going on?” and ,more than half what do I do now? I am not even how sure how many times I tried to turn on the lights or use the micro or change my load of clothes over (by candle light) c’mon Tab how many times? THE ELECTRICITY IS OUT!
Just another mention of Tabs confusion. Giggles to self.

Friday, June 23

My kiddos

My favorite picture ever.

So many pictures pass through my digital camera and this one has got to be my favorite. It was a big hit on Fathers day!

It was taken at Taku Lake just 2 days before Fathers Day.

Arent they gett'n so big?

Who'd have ever guessed Id be the mother of a 1 and 5 almost 6 year old.

Tuesday, June 6

Here I am! Here I am!


All is good here! My family is well again. my husband went to the Dr. today for an evaluation. basically what they said was to settle with the insurance company he will get better over time. I love the spine institute. i just wopnder what the settlement will be for. I hope for enough to get us into a home.

As for my recent adventures.... just loven life. I think the world is a pretty great place. I am loving my bible study group and the people there.

My sister and her kids are over and I just love it when they visit. We take turns pickn on kids. Its great. Our little mini me's. boy are we in for it.

As for todays society... I no longer feel that we should just blow up Iraq just bring our troops home. I think Bush is a terrible president. I think our young people are expposed to much "adultness" , launguage, ect. I think the Da Vinci code was probably just a good book the movie wasnt that great and it was all just fiction. I think we excpect the worst and it should be the other way around. I think list's are a daily essential and I think babies are great but it just keep's getting better as they grow. i think God is under rated and I think tooth pick skinny girls are just not real.

just some topic starters and thoughts from Tab

Friday, June 2


Baptized Current mood: curious Category: Religion and Philosophy
I am being water baptized on Saturday! I know its weird to some but I am so excited. This does not mean I am a bible thumper. It means I am just dedicating my purpose. Some will understand and some wont. But I do! So let me have it guys what do u think?

I really want to know.

Tuesday, May 30

I SAID: I'd alway's be a kid........ I will in so many ways
I WANT: to go to Hawaii ...... with no kids!
I WISH: for financial independence.
I HATE: liars and people who only talk about themselves
I MISS: my grandparents in Idaho
I FEAR: falling back into a life I once loved and now know better
I HEAR: my husband say I love you
I WONDER: Will my daughter be just like me
I REGRET: ever doing the drugs I did for so long.
I AM NOT: a liar or weak
I DANCE: with my clothes on
I SING: in the car
I CRY: hardly ever
I AM NOT ALWAYS: strong but I am stronger than I once was
I MADE: the right decision to be a stay at home wife, and a happy one
WRITE: lists it makes me feel accomplished
GOAL: Quit smoking
1st thing: I wake up happy and smiling but groggy and looking for coffee

Tag to everyone who reads this